As I prepare for a week-long vacation, my mind turns to three guiding questions posed by Inspector Gamache in Louise Penny’s Three Pines books:
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Does it need to be said?
The deeper I reflect on these questions, the more I realize they are not new. Variations of them have been attributed to Socrates, Buddha, and Gandhi. However, their earliest recorded form comes from an 1872 poem titled Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind? by Mary Ann Pietzker (see below).
Don’t get me wrong—I love my family. I cherish our time together. But when you gather strong, independent women in one place for an extended period, emotions surface. Unspoken feelings and thoughts—some long buried, some waiting for the right moment—seem to rise effortlessly, often over charcuterie and wine.
The truth is, not everything needs to be said. Some hurts are ours to carry, not anyone else’s to bear. As I continue to work on standing in my truth, I remind myself that not everyone else is on the same journey. Some things do need to be spoken aloud, but when they do, I return to my mantra:
- Is it kind?
- Is it true?
- Does it need to be said?
For now, this is my anchor. I trust that these simple yet profound questions will shape an incredible week with the extraordinary women in my life.
Imagine if we carried this practice into all our interactions. Try it and see how it shifts your world.
“Is it True? Is it necessary? Is it Kind?”
by Mary Ann Pietzker
Oh! stay, dear child, one moment stay,
Before a word you speak,
That can do harm in any wayTo the poor, or to the weak;
And never say of any one
What you’d not have said of you,
Ere you ask yourself the question,
“Is the accusation true?”
And if ’tis true, for I suppose
You would not tell a lie;
Before the failings you expose
Of friend or enemy:
Yet even then be careful, very;
Pause, and your words well weigh,
And ask if it be necessary,
What you’re about to say.
And should it necessary be,
At least you deem it so,
Yet speak not unadvisedly
Of friend or even foe,
Till in your secret soul you seek
For some excuse to find;
And ere the thoughtless word you speak,
Ask yourself, “Is it kind?”
When you have ask’d these questions three—
True, — Necessary, — Kind, —
Ask’d them in all sincerity,
I think that you will find,
It is no hardship to obey
The command of our Blessed Lord, —
No ill of any man to say;
No not a single word
No Wrong Turns in Life 